Combating the Drearies

After returning to standard time, I'm finding myself feeling rather dreary. It happens every year and tends to carry on for a couple of months. Given my history of depression, I wouldn't at all be surprised if I have some form of seasonal affective disorder. I say this not as an excuse, but to recongnize it as something to overcome.

In the spirit of overcoming my dreariness and the berating voice in my head, I'm taking note of all that I have accomplished so far today.

• I got out of bed on time and had a bath. 
• The girls made it to the bus stop with time to spare, full bellies and looking decent. 
• I took the clean clothes upstairs and set them on their owner's respective beds to be put away.
• I changed the crib sheets.
• Little Guy had a bath. (That's never fun because he hates being wet.) 
• I snuggled with Little Guy after his bath. 
• I cleaned the bathtub.
• Little Guy and I went outside for a walk and stayed out for half an hour. 
• We had lunch. 
• I've cut the paper for a card order that's to be delivered on Wednesday. 
• I vacuumed downstairs. 
• I've changed the cat box.

I have an hour and a half until the girls get off the school bus and Little Guy is still sleeping. I plan too:

• Wash the dishes.
• Cut vegetables.
• Put away all the food stuff I bought at the bulk store yesterday.
• Cut up and freeze the half pork loin in the fridge.
• Start dinner.

(later)

So, the kids are all tucked into bed. I did manage to complete my list. I still have to clean up from dinner and work on the card order, but there is no other clean up because I did it all earlier before I vacuumed.

Want to know what I've realized? The more I manage to get done, the more I want to get done.

It's often a struggle to work up the gumption to do anything. It's so much easier to doze on the couch or sit at the computer looking at pinterest. But when I start doing something that makes a noticeable difference, like clearing a flat surface and putting all the junk away, it makes me want to do more. Over the past two months I've really been working at improving the way our house looks - getting rid of all the stuff we never use that just takes up space and setting routines that have me doing chores like dusting, sweeping and vacuuming every week rather than waiting until it looks horrendous. I do a load of laundry every day so it doesn't pile up on my and the kids aren't asking for clothes.

Hallway Shelves

I've also been making good use of the newly found space that is staying clean. I put up some shelves in a hallway that usually becomes an overflow of clutter. This accomplished a couple of things: the items I needed near the kitchen but didn't have room (or was forever moving around in the kitchen because I needed that space) now have a home off the floor. The floor stays clear because the shelves are there. The shelves are organized by dollar store baskets and containers so it's less tempting to stuff as much as I can on a shelf. We now have a school work basket. There is a pencil box with pencils, crayons, colored pencils and a sharpener in it. All homework and papers that need to be signed go in the box right after school. This has helped tremendously! No more asking me where their homework is, can I have a pencil, will you sharpen this, etc.. Our fresh fruit basket no longer has to sit on the kitchen table in the way; it has a spot on a shelf. Same for the bread, cookies and granola bars. Having all of those things off my kitchen table makes meal time easier and helps me keep the kitchen table neat.

Clean Floor

A couple of weeks ago I went through the kids' rooms and basically overhauled them. Little Guy's room had become a storage place because all he does is sleep in there. The girls had become so overwhelmed by all the stuff in their room that they couldn't find a starting place to clean or organize their room. The dresser and a shelf still need to be dealt with, but they now have a clear floor to play on and shelves for their toys. They spend a lot more time now playing in their room. It's so much nicer that having them wander around downstairs saying, "I'm bored; what can I do?"

 

Toy Shelves

When the drearies hit, I'm hoping that I'll have enough sense to look around my house and see the progress I've made by doing a little each day, and that I'll get off my backside and get to work. And the days where that's not quite enough to get me going? I'll list the things I have accomplished, however small they may seem. You see, I finally realize it's those little things that make the biggest difference in our family's lives.

Time Flies

This year is just flying by. I can't believe we're nearly half way through November already. It seems like just yesterday Kiddlet was in kindergarten and Little Guy was brand new. Now Strong-Willed One is 9 years old, Kiddlet is in 2nd grade and Little Guy is 2.

Summer flew by this year; it was a busy one for us. The girls were in day camp at our church for all of July and they did 3 different vacation bible schools in August. They loved every minute of it. I also ventured into the world of home canning this year. I started with nectarines. Then it was peaches. Oh, the peaches! I had bought a bushel of peaches to can and learned that the girls both love fresh peaches. They were eating 5 and 6 peaches a day, each. I happen to live around the corner from a wonderful Mennonite market where I was able to get a half bushel of peaches for about $12 while they were in season. I must have bought 3 or 4 bushels of peaches. I canned 12L of peaches and then started making peach butter. I made a lot of peach butter, mostly because the peaches would ripen so quickly they were good for little else. Turns out, I love peach butter. It is so much nicer than jam and contains considerably less sugar than jam.

After peaches were no longer in season, I went to a farmer's market with one of my sisters-in-law and picked up a bushel of tomatoes, half a bushel of assorted peppers and a few other things. I made tomato sauce and more salsa than I thought we would eat in a year. (Turns out, Strong-Willed One loves the salsa and we've already gone through half of it.) The tomato sauce tastes so rich; I never knew it could be so good! I contemplated buying more tomatoes and making enough sauce to carry us through winter, but realised that my family needed me more than we needed homemade tomato sauce, so I let that idea pass. Although, I also did applesauce last month.  I definitely want to do a bigger garden next year and more canning.

Strong-Willed One and Kiddlet were very happy to go back to school and see all their friends again. They both like their teachers and are doing well. Little Guy spent the first week or two the girls were back in school wandering around looking for them. Boy did he miss them at first! He's adjusted well, but still is very excited when the school bus stops in front of the house and lets them off.

Husband is still travelling for work, although he did work locally for most of October. We really enjoyed that. Now that I am done canning for the year, I'm working on de-cluttering and organising the house. The more I manage to do, the more I want to get done. There is something so satisfying in watching unused items leave the house and seeing clear spaces where there was nothing but piles before.

I'll leave you with a few images of the kids. The first is a video of Little Guy playing with one of his birthday presents.

Little Guy doing "what's going on" and getting rice all over his head.

Here are 2 pictures from Halloween. Kiddlet was a koala bear and we didn't know what to call Strong-Willed One. Little Guy was a monkey, but he refused to wear the hood that has the face on it.

Nectarines & Peaches

What have I been up to the last few days? Canning. And canning. And tonight and tomorrow, more canning. Lookie.

15-500ml jars of nectarines and 12-1L jars of peaches. And I still have peaches left from the one bushel I bought.

Tonight I'm going to peel, cut and cook the peaches, puree and stick them in the crockpot over night. Tomorrow I will can the peach butter.

Don't have time to go into details, but wanted to get this out there. I'm pretty excited. This is the first time I have canned, other than cutting fruit for my sisters-in-law when they canned.

Hopefully I'll have a chance to blog more later this week and post some pics of the kids and their summer fun.

18 Month Check-Up and Other Things

Little Guy had his 18 month check up today. I know, it's a little late, but when it was originally scheduled our tires were too bad to make the long drive, i forgot to reschedule, then he got sick, so here we are at 21 months old having his 18 month check up. Little Guy weighed in at 25lbs 7oz and is now 31 inches long. This was a nice jump in his growth. So much of a jump in his growth that the doctor wasn't at all concerned that he's not that interested in eating. She told me to continue feeding him as I have been, but not to try forcing him to eat because the power struggle wouldn't be worth it; just keep offering him healthy food and he'll eat when he's ready.

Did I ever mention that I was planning on putting in a garden this year? Thanks to Husband's very hard work, we turned a section of our back yard into a decent sized garden. Unfortunately, the spinach didn't come up (older seeds) and I think the birds got most of our carrot seeds.

We have 12 tomato plants, 8 pepper plants, 6 broccoli, 9 cauliflower, a cucumber plant, a zucchini plant, a row of beets, a row of swiss chard, 3 boston lettuce, 4 head lettuce, 4 kohlrabi, a scattering of carrots and a few onions. I love how pretty the boston lettuce looks; I haven't been able to bring myself to use it yet.

Husband has acquired a new hobby.

I'm a little disturbed by it, but Little Guy loves having his nails painted and shows them off for days. It started because the girls were painting their nails and Little Guy wanted his done.

The second time, Little Guy had found a bottle of nail polish, brought it over to Husband and essentially asked to have his nails painted. I've decided that I'm going to chalk it up to Little Guy having older sisters whom he admires and wants to be like. He'll figure it out one day.

We are down to our final week and a half of school. I was really concerned about how this summer was going to go. The girls get bored so quickly and they are no longer allowed to play with half the kids in the neighborhood (bad attitudes). My outlook for a peaceful summer was pretty bleak. However, things are looking up. The girls are now enrolled in summer day camp at our church for the month of July. Even better than that, the girls are thrilled about it. August is also looking pretty good for daytime activities.

Strong-Willed One showing off her yo-yo skills.

And finally, Strong-Willed One and Kiddlet each earned themself a yo-yo. 

Malfunctioning Video or Maybe Not

It's been brought to my attention that the video I posted of the girls' opening one of their Christmas presents doesn't play. I would like to remedy that because it really is pretty funny.

Ok, well I can't find that one right now, so instead I'm going to show you something else. This is from my cousin's wedding. Both of my girls were flower girls. This is from October of 2007. Strong-Willed One turned 4 years old two days later and Kiddlet was 2 1/2 years old. We were waiting for things to start.

And this one is my cousin and Strong-Willed One.

I can't believe how many things have slipped my mind from when they were younger. I'm so thankful for photographs and video clips to remind me of these things.

And just for kicks, here is a clip of Husband putting cream cheese my sister's dog's nose.

Life Gets in the Way

Have you ever noticed how life gets in the way of your plans and good intentions? That's how the past few months have gone. I planned on blogging at least once a week, I was going to start making cards and scrapbooking again, get into a workable routine for housework, and a myriad of other things. Instead, the busyness of life totally took over. All those things I just mentioned that I had planned or intended? Not one has happened yet. I have been taking lots of pictures of the kids to scrapbook and I've had ideas for card designs. As for the housework - my current routine includes dealing with the dirty laundry pile when it has become so large that I can no longer push it out of the way with my foot, the bathroom sink gets cleaned when Husband or I cut our hair, and I vacuum when I notice Little Guy sitting every few steps in order to pull something off of his foot. Lest you think that my family is living in a hazardous environment, let me assure you that I am compulsive about having a clean kitchen and things aren't always as bad I as I just outlined. I am happy to open my door to anyone who drops in and rarely apologize for the state of my house. I think of my house as lived in and happy. I have come to the point where I have chosen time with my kids and short periods of rest over housework and I'm okay with it. My kids are happier because I spend time with them rather than cleaning and my physical and mental health are much better since I'm not unreasonably pushing myself to meet the perfectionistic standards I had had in my head.

Anyway, now that I'm done with that tangent (I had no idea that was waiting to be said), would you like to see some pictures? I have a bunch. Let's start with pictures from the park.

Little Guy peeking through the bench.

Strong-Willed One pushing the merry-go-round.

Little Guy

Don't you love the tongue?

This next picture is typical Kiddlet when she's being silly.

These are of the tired boy.

Fell asleep with a breadstick in his mouth.

 

 

 

Too tired to finish lunch.

This last picture is Strong-Willed One and Little Guy looking at a video on Husband's phone. Seeing the two of them sitting still together and not screaming is unusual.

That's it for now. Little Guy is hitting my leg telling me it's time to play, so I better go. More next time!

A Great Disservice

For years, I've done my husband the disservice of not sharing the entirety of my worries and fears with him. I figured, he's on the road, there's nothing he can do about it and I didn't want to do or say anything that would make him feel guilty about being away from home. Husband doesn't choose to travel for work because he prefers to be away, he does it to provide for us. I've always strived to be a supportive and encouraging wife, to make our home a haven for him. I was afraid that if I told him how much I struggle when he's gone, let him see how negatively his absence affects me, he would feel even worse about being on the road, that he would begin to dread coming home to this needy wife. What a fool I was! I'm learning that I've underestimated my husband, his love for me, his insight into me, and his ability to handle my fears and insecurities.

After being on the road and only home on weekends for nearly 3 years, Husband worked locally, coming home every night, for nearly 4 months. It was a wonderful 4 months. He's been back on the road for 4 weeks now. Now that Husband is gone again, I realize how much his being home has done for our family. I'm recognizing that all the time we spent apart had caused a distance between Husband and I. While he was home that distance was overcome. We got to know each other again, our lives again became one. As we grew closer our communication improved greatly.

This week my fears emerged. I'm terrified that the distance between us will come back. I've already begun to feel that he has a life completely separate from me. Yesterday at Bible Study, I admitted to the group that I was struggling. Right then and there they surrounded me and prayed for me. I'm fairly certain that this is the first time I've admitted my fears to anyone when they first emerge; in the past, I've kept quiet until I've reached the point where I'm barely coping. After Bible Study, I spent the day reflecting on what I was feeling, why I felt that way and determining if it was a rational fear or an irrational fear.  When I talked with Husband last night, I admitted it all. That I was afraid we were going to grow apart again, that I miss our daily interactions, the opportunity to take 2 minutes to scratch his head simply because I needed to touch him. I told him that I wasn't sure how to deal with these fears, that I'd felt them the last time he was on the road and never said anything because I didn't want to make him feel badly about being away. I also explained that I have no doubt about our commitment or loyalty to each other, that I trust him completely. We had rebuilt so much when he was home, our communication had grown so open and that the last thing I want to do is to close off from him again.

My husband is an incredible man. His response? We'll make sure to keep more in touch throughout the day. He told me to always spit it out when I was struggling or afraid; he would much rather know than to wonder why I'm so quiet and not know what I need. When I reach a point where I need him home for a week to regain my steadiness, he'll find a way to make it happen. Husband said absolutely nothing that made me feel like a foolish emotional female. Instead, his response was validating. I now know that the distance that developed in the past, I bear a great deal of responsibility for. In trying to be supportive and protecting him, I built up a wall between us. This whole time he's been waiting for me to let him in, waiting patiently and giving me space to come to him on my terms.

I am so blessed to have Husband as my husband. He gets me like no one else does. He loves me completely, accepts me unconditionally.